The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit

Who is Mel Robbins?

Melanie Robbins is an American lawyer, author, and television host.

She has covered the George Zimmerman trial for CNN, and she has also authored a variety of books.

She is also a motivational speaker.

Get your copy on Amazon

What is this book about?

Most of us feel tired and groggy after waking up in the morning. Aside from wanting to curl up in the covers and feel like a million bucks, most of us also feel like we should be doing something else.

What if there was a way to improve your mornings? This could be a simple habit that would allow you to live a better life.

How to start your day? 

Start the day by high-fiving your reflection.

When you look in the mirror each morning, what do you think about the person who is staring at you? Do you feel proud of yourself or do you find fault with how your body looks?

Mel Robbins would start her day by picking apart her appearance like chin, neck, or stomach. She would do this every day. She would then move on to the next routine, which was worrying about the day’s tasks.

Things changed one day. On that particular morning, Robbins did not condemn or bemoan. Instead, she saluted her reflection by raising her hand.

Then she stuck it out and high-fived herself in the mirror. Why? It wasn't an easy question to answer. She felt anxious, fatigued, and unsatisfied with herself. She needed assistance. But she realized the help had to come from inside. In some ways, the high five was a display of confidence. Sure, it was cheesy – but it felt nice.

In fact, something about the act of high-fiving her mirror made Robbin pause and reconsider some essential things. Wouldn't life be better if she cheered for herself a little more, she wondered? If, instead of criticizing herself, she lavished herself with words of love, admiration, and encouragement? When you look in the mirror tomorrow morning, you'll have a decision to make.

You may waste time lamenting your shortcomings and dwelling on life's issues, or you can take a moment to applaud and encourage yourself. Choose wisely, then give your reflection a high-five.

What is the evidence of the self- high five approaches?

Scientific research backs up the power of high fives.

In one study, researchers assigned tasks to students and then motivated them in one of three ways. Some kids were called clever or skilled by researchers. Others were applauded for trying; the researchers commended their efforts.

The third group was motivated with high fives. Can you determine which group felt the greatest about their job and lasted the longest? The youngsters got high fives.

But can high-fiving oneself be as beneficial?

Absolutely. According to a neurobics study, high-fiving oneself can really modify your brain structure.

To put it simply, high-fiving your reflection puts your brain in a state of heightened alertness that facilitates the formation of new neural connections.

So, when you high-five yourself in the mirror, your brain notices something new and unusual is going on. If you do it with love and self-encouragement, a good attitude is more likely to persist.

For a week, high-five your reflection every morning. It makes a surprising difference.

Negative thoughts will create a spiral of negative behaviors

Mel Robbins is now a life coach, but her own life used to be out of control. She lucked out and got a summer job at the Michigan Attorney General's office in Grand Rapids. Robbins was requested to check at the state's conviction rates as part of her employment there. It was a topic she cared deeply about and would have liked researching, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Why? Robbins' dread of failing was so strong that she never started working on the project. In response to the Attorney General's complaint, she made up some justifications and then resigned from her position. Robbins let self-doubt turn a great chance into a source of stress. She felt terrible about herself when she quit the job. Her worst worries had come true: she had been entrusted with a major assignment and blew it. She felt defeated. Sadly, things grew worse. Another summer, Robbins got a job with a law company in New Mexico, but this excellent opportunity brought on worry and self-doubt. A week before her flight, she phoned the business, cooked up a tale about a family emergency, and claimed she couldn't accept the job after all. This may seem unrelated to high-fiving the mirror every morning, but it is. Robbins' harmful habits sprang from a deep-seated self-criticism and self-doubt. Every time life gave her a chance, she had the same doubts about her abilities and bravery. With the aid of counseling, Robbins eventually built up her self-esteem. Errors make you hate yourself, and disliking yourself makes you more prone to make mistakes. It's a vicious loop of failure and self-loathing. The cure? Being friendly, helpful, and encouraging to oneself — high-fiving oneself.

What is the Mind-Filter?

You probably clean the lint filter when you put your clothing in the dryer. It's minor. Drying clothing causes lint, and if the filter isn't cleaned, the dryer won't work.  Not only is it easy, but have you considered doing the same for your mind? The Reticular Activating System (RAS) filters the information your brain processes, ensuring only the most important material reaches the level of conscious cognition. And, like the lint filter in your dryer, your RAS might benefit from a good cleaning. So, what's the lint in your RAS? In short, it's your negative and self-limiting attitudes that held Robbins back in her law career.  A negative RAS will cause your mind to focus on unpleasant information while ignoring favorable input. Thankfully, we can remove emotional residue.  The High Five Habit and the self-acceptance and self-love routines recommended by Robbins are like removing a thick coating of lint. Your RAS filters information according to significance. If the RAS thinks you value negativity, it will emphasize it more. But if you start seeking positives, your RAS will learn to value them. That final point is crucial. You may train your RAS to seek positives in your life and to accentuate them. Your new habit of high-fiving your mirror is a good start, but it's not the only one: in the following paragraphs, we will look at a strong strategy for influencing your RAS.

Interrupt your thoughts, use a mantra, and act like the person you want to become.

You might be feeling doubtful at this point. While high-fiving your mirror may feel nice at the moment, it can't possibly improve your attitude or confidence. Right? If you agree, you are not alone. In fact, Mel Robbins' daughter felt the same thing when she first heard about her mother's new habit. How could high-fiving oneself in the mirror begin to shift long-held attitudes and beliefs? So said Robbins. How frequently do you find yourself paying attention to the same things? You buy a new automobile and suddenly see how many comparable models are out there. Imagine falling in love and hearing how many love songs are on the radio. So, when you practice the High Five Habit, the world seems to immediately brighten up. Training your RAS to view the world differently involves three processes. The first is simple: break old mental habits. When you catch yourself self-critiquing or doubting yourself, halt and declare, “I'm not thinking about that.” It sounds simple, yet refusing to repeat exhausted thoughts trains your RAS to do so in the future. But weakening current thought habits isn't enough. But that's not enough.

You must replace them with something better - kinder, more helpful, and more practical. This is where a mantra comes in. But you must choose it with caution. Your mind will reject your mantra if you do not believe it is true. Choose something uplifting and accurate. For example, “Every day I become stronger” or “I deserve to feel happy today.” For example, “Every day I become stronger” or “I deserve to feel happy today.”

Lastly, act like the person you want to be. Changing ingrained views requires action, and watching yourself behave differently confirms your new viewpoint. Putting it all together. When a bad idea arises, stop it and tell yourself you won't think about it. Now repeat an affirmative mantra to yourself. Finally, act in a way that proves your new conviction.

Replace apologies with gratitude:

How often do you apologize? It's a tic that some of us can't shake. If we have to cancel plans, ask for help, or even stumble into someone on the street, we tend to say “sorry” a lot.

On the surface, it appears innocuous. After all, who does apologizing for harm? On closer inspection, the urge to apologize may indicate something more concerning: an excessive sense of guilt that hinders living a really satisfying life.

Living fearlessly and genuinely involves occasionally disappointing others. It also means you'll need to rely on people from time to time for moral support, favors, or even simply a sympathetic ear. Stop apologizing and start thanking.

Replace apologies with appreciation.  Exposure to appreciation is preferable to exposure to guilt. It's nicer to be acknowledged than apologized.

In fact, continuously apologizing might be tiresome. One of the author's pals is that that — always apologizing.

The author noticed one day that her friend's tendency of apologizing for herself annoyed her. Instead of praising the author for her kindness or patience, she merely wanted to be reassured. Her apologies seemed little next to a heartfelt “Thank you”.

Don't be that pal. Loved ones want to assist and assist. Don't apologize if they go out of their way to please you.

Thanking someone doesn't merely emphasize their generosity. It also lets you recognize your needs without blaming them. It tells the world, and you, that you will not have to feel guilty about having your own wants and desires.

It's difficult to celebrate life when you're always apologizing for it. But thanks? Thanks and high fives go together.

Take-Home: 

The simple habit of giving yourself a high-five in the mirror every morning might be enough to spark positive change in your life. The gesture is one of support and self-belief, and it is backed up by scientific research. Combine this gesture with purposeful attempts to shift your present thinking to fully benefit from the High Five Habit's effectiveness. Create a habit of focusing on the good aspects of life, acting in the manner of the person you aspire to be, and beginning to give thanks to others rather than saying sorry to others.